Is This the Life I Want to Live?

I’ve been reading a blog authored by Ben Hewitt. Ben and his wife live in rural Vermont, unschool their two sons, and are living a purposeful life on about $30,000 a year. You can read more about him here (http://benhewitt.net/).

Ben’s writing is eloquent, thoughtful, and raises, at least for me, conscious awareness about the choices we are making. The majority of the American population doesn’t think twice about the impact their choices have on the world in which they live. Not only that, but, as Ben points out, people have lost touch with nature, the land they live on, and the relationships with those they care most for.

I agree because I see it in my own life. I am so caught up with trying to do what my job requires so I can keep my insurance coverage on my children that I sacrifice time spent with my children. Each Sunday night I get that gnawing dread in the pit of my stomach at the anticipation of having to go back to work on Monday morning. I’m not happy doing what I’m doing and I’ve begun asking myself the question Ben bases his life choices around: Is this the way I want to live my life?

Assuredly, I have decided that it is not, but to figure out how I want to live my life is just as much a mystery. I thought I wanted to be a nurse (and sometimes I am still drawn toward learning natural self-healing), then I thought I wanted to get my Masters in English to teach college (but I hate grading essays), and I also wanted to write for a living (novels, blog posts, copy, anything). Now I am simply praying that God will reveal his will for me. Thankfully I am a patient person, but I’m afraid that while I’m waiting patiently I might miss the sign.

I’ve started thinking about alternatives to the work I’m doing now that would allow me to begin living the life I want to live. It’s scary, especially when I have well-meaning people telling me that I’d be throwing away a career I went to college for and worked hard at. Part of the point is that the hard work that was once enjoyable no longer is. Still, I have other, dear friends who remind me that God may have wanted me to teach for this season of my life, and that maybe He has something else in store once the leaves start shedding.

Whatever is to come, I want to be able to say that I enjoyed my life and gave my best to my family. So I will keep planning, keep asking, and wait for God.